Smorgasbord Laughter Lines – Naval Intelligence and Tell it to the Marines

My father served in the Royal Navy for 37 years plus an extra ten in a civilian capacity.  There were good natured jokes and rivalry between the senior service, army and Royal Air Force.  Here are a few that I have sourced from archives and various sites.

Signals

 During a naval exercise in the Mediterranean, a signaller rushed up to the bridge and said, ‘Captain, this message just came in.’

‘Read it out,’ said the captain.

‘Well, sir, I….’ the signalman stammered.

‘Just read it out man…now!’ snapped the captain.

‘Right, sir,’ said the signalman. ‘It reads: What the hell do you think you are doing, you stupid, blundering idiot? You’re not fit to be in command!’

‘Yes, well…’ said the captain. ‘Have that decoded at once.’

Enlistment

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, “Why do you want to join the Navy, son?” “My…